Another Halloween has come and gone. another holiday under my belt with out you. its not the same. seems like you were the glue that held us together. It was not me at all. or if it was i've lost my way. Kaidyn got her braces off yesterday. did you see that smile all the way in heaven? your son turns 9 next month. another birthday without mom.  i cant stop crying. Kaidyn is so over protective of Bailey boo. you should see how good both kids are with her. you should be here. you should be making baby sounds at Mike and Stephs beautiful miracle. you should be fussin with kaidyn over who gets to hold the baby next. Thanksgiving is next and yet another holiday with out you. you wouldn't believe this crazy weather. it was 70 yesterday. i don't know why i write this. maybe it will make me feel better. i just don't know anymore. i miss you more and more every day. i'm supposed to be learning to cope with this... but how? how???