My Dearest Daughter, Lucy,
Today is one of the darkest days of my life. A piece of my heart went with you. You were no saint, but you were OUR sinner, my daughter, my stylist, my fashionista, my FRIEND. I knew you first. I heard your heartbeat, felt your kicks, and fell in love with you first. You heard my heartbeat from the inside.
You were headstrong, independent and a pain in the ass. You were my sunshine.
I laughed yesterday. I felt guilty for doing that. You’ve been gone a whole week and yet…. I lived.
I asked you why? I asked what made you give up the fight. I cursed at you. I yelled at you. I cried for you and it changed nothing. You are still gone. You live on through Kaidyn and Evan and through our hearts. Your quirky grin and stupid one finger dancing. Your silly grin. I will remember them all.
When Lucy was starting kindergarten she said “mommy how do you make friends?” At first I said play-doh. Then I said “Lucy, smile, say hi my name is Lucy, do you want to play?” It worked so well she never stopped using that line.
I have never felt this depth of pain before, this level of anger or anxiety.
You took a part of me with you, Lucy. All it holds now are memories. I love you.
Love,
Momma
- written by Amy Merrick